


Sam and the Non-Exploding Happy Box

by Brb-Rope (BrbRope)



Series: Whether You're a Top or a Bottom Man [2]
Category: Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Enthusiastic Consent, Foot Massage, Frottage, Fucking Machines, M/M, Massage, Not Beta Read, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Coital Cuddling, Safe Sane and Consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:36:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23383888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrbRope/pseuds/Brb-Rope
Summary: Sam was suddenly re-evaluating several things about Guy, because when he built a ‘Happy Box’, he built a ‘HappyEndingBox.
Relationships: Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Series: Whether You're a Top or a Bottom Man [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681912
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	Sam and the Non-Exploding Happy Box

**Author's Note:**

> Was talking to [Shelligator](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Shelligator/pseuds/Shelligator), and they mentioned a porn plunnie, I commented I had a wip similar to that, and with their encouragement, got it done. Thanks Shell.

“Happy Box.” Sam read outloud as he held up the cube that he’d found in Guy’s briefcase and inspected it. The sides were utterly blank other than the one line of text and a red button one side. “Property of Guy-Am-I. Does _Not_ Explode-?” 

That was a little strange. Guy always wrote ‘Property of Guy-Am-I. Caution: May Explode’ on his stuff, because it usually **did** explode. Not exploding was new. And different. 

Sam debated for a moment, looking into the open briefcase, then towards the open door that Guy had left through, leaving his briefcase open. Guy never left his briefcase open, just pulled many miraculous things out of there. 

Turned out it was mostly tools, neatly arranged, each one with their own place. And the cube, which had a neat little place for it, tucked in the corner. 

If he were a better person, he’d put the cube back, shut the briefcase and get on with his day. 

Sam was not a better person. 

He pressed the button. 

The box vibrated in his hands, then started to move, shifting in his hands, becoming bigger. Gloved hands appeared from the sides on long cables, which immediately reached for him, grabbing him and lifting him off the ground. 

“Whoa!” Sam yanked his arm free, the hand hesitating a second before grabbing him again, this time around his hips. Other hands grabbed his feet, thumbs pressing against the bottom of his feet, and he yelped, leg twitching. 

Unlike his arms, the hands didn’t release his feet, but continuing their rubbing. After a second, he realised that it was giving him a foot massage. Or trying to, anyway. He stopped fighting the hands, letting them do their thing. 

Which seemed to be focused on relieving him from all the tension he didn’t know he had in his toes. 

“Happy Box, huh?” Sam grinned to himself. He had to hand it to Guy, he knew what he was doing. He could probably sell this and make a fortune as a personal foot masseuse. 

He took a better look at the box, and realised it had five hands, one on each of the sides. Two holding his hips, two rubbing his feet, and one… Just chilling there, palm facing Sam. 

“Good job, buddy.” Sam high-fived the empty palm. “I can see why Guy- _whoa_.” 

He was not expecting them to suddenly shift their grip. The hands holding his hips started moving their fingers, rubbing circles into his lower back. The hands on his feet moved up his legs, massaging his calves for a moment, before moving up to rub his shoulders and neck. 

“Oh, yeah.” Sam leaned his head back, one of the hands rubbing the top of his head. This, this was bliss. The only thing that could make it better was if it was Guy’s hands on him instead of the hands Guy had made, but he’d take what he could get. 

He hadn’t quite realised that Guy was such a hedonist, but somehow felt like it shouldn’t be a shock. Guy was full of surprising things.

One of the hands was empty again, floating next to him, palm open. “Wonder what’ll happen if I slap you again.” Sam slurred, feeling content and boneless. No wonder Guy hid this thing away, they’d never get anything done otherwise. He could probably fall asleep like this. 

That was probably the next setting anyway. He should probably put the cube away and close the briefcase back up, find something else to be doing when Guy got back anyway. He lazily slapped the empty hand, feeling pretty good about himself.If he could purr, he totally would. 

The hand on the top of his head released him and vanished for a moment. He figured it had just retreated back to the box when it suddenly reappeared. 

Cupping his dick and balls. Or trying to, tucked away in the long fur between his legs. 

“Wait.” Sam looked down. “What?” 

Gloved fingers began to stroke, missing every so often, clearly used to dealing with a much larger cock. Sam was suddenly re-evaluating several things about Guy, because when he built a ‘Happy Box’, he built a ‘Happy _Ending_ Box. 

“Oh my stars.” He started to laugh, getting hard, the pink tip of his dick sticking out and rubbing against the cloth fingers of the hands, which were forming a large tube for him to rut in to. “You are **full** of surprises, Guy.” 

“I’m what?” Guy’s voice rumbled, the door to the hotel they were staying in opening. 

Sam yelped, trying to run and hide, forgetting that his feet weren’t on the floor. As if reacting to his wiggling, the hand on his cock tightened its grip, and Sam instinctively froze, fear of having his dick ripped off flickering through his mind.

Which is when Guy walked in. 

Sam had a fraction of a second to try to come up with a plan, something, anything to get him out of this predicament.

And then Guy spotted him, his face neutral for the moment it took for his brain to process what he was seeing, Sam suspended in mid-air getting a hand job from the box next to his open briefcase. And then his eyes went wide, face blushing pink just before his jaw dropped. “Sam!” 

“Hi, Guy.” Sam summoned up a smile, as bright as he could make it. He lifted a hand to wave. 

“Wait, don’t touch that-” Guy lunged forward, arms outstretched, just as Sam dropped his hand. 

Right on to the machine’s open palm. 

The hand holding Sam’s neck released just as Guy impacted against him, sending them both crashing towards the ground. Guy rolled them so he was on the bottom, cushioning Sam on his belly. 

A gloved hand, slick with something that it hadn’t been before, touched Sam’s butt. A finger sliding into the crack of his ass and started to feel around. 

“Oh.” Sam murmured, eyes going wide as he realised what the next setting was. “Oh, _fuck_.”

“That’s the idea.” Guy agreed, cheeks flushed and eyes wild. “Hold on, there’s an emergency stop button on the box-” 

Guy did something, one arm flailing around and suddenly all the mechanical hands gripping Sam fell away, leaving just Guy holding him tight.

They stared at each other, both breathing hard. “So…. ‘Happy Box’, huh?” Sam finally got out with a grin, trying to ignore the fact that he was still hard, erection pressing up against the fur of Guy’s belly. 

Guy groaned, head thumping backwards against the floor. “I don’t even want to know why you were in my briefcase.” He deadpanned, his free hand covering his eyes like he was exhausted and wanted to take a nap right there. 

Sam grimaced, then tried to smile innocently. “You left it open-?”

“Of course.” Guy agreed, like he should have assumed as such, then chuckled. “Got a bit more than you expected out of it, did you?”

“Just a bit.” Sam agreed. “Hey, Guy?” 

“Yeah?” 

Sam gave a little wiggle, gleefully aware of something touching his calf that was most definitely not one of Guy’s legs. “We got anywhere we need to be for at least the next couple of hours?” 

Guy hummed thoughtfully, running a hand down Sam’s spine, making him arch up like a cat into the contact. “Not really.” He concluded. 

“Awesome.” Sam smiled. “Think we could take this to bed and you could show me what this box does?” 

“I… um.” Guy swallowed, blushing slightly. “You’d be interested in that? Watching?” 

“What?” Sam smirked, tracing spirals on Guy’s chest with a finger until it got tangled up in the long pale fur of Guy’s ruff. “Watch you enjoy yourself and writhe in pleasure? Oh no. What a horrible thing to endure.” 

Guy licked his lips. “You… Wouldn’t have to just watch-?” He offered almost shyly. 

Sam didn’t think he’d ever get enough of Guy. This was the guy who could suck Sam’s cock without fanfare, but then he’d blush and stammer over the tiniest innuendo. And then offer the _filthiest_ things. 

“Guy?”

“Yeah?”

“Get us to bed.” Guy’s back would not thank him if they pressed the button here, and it was really really tempting to do so now. 

“Right.” Guy nodded, then scrambled up, one arm tucked under Sam’s legs, the other hand scooping up the box. He lost his hat in the process, but didn’t seem to notice or care. He didn’t exactly run to the bed, but he didn’t take his time either. 

Sam rubbed his face against the long soft fur that ran around Guy’s neck, loving Guy’s casual strength, the fact that he could pick up and carry Sam around, and didn’t always seem to notice that he was doing it. They were comfortable enough with each other to do so. 

That Sam was safe enough with Guy to allow it too. 

Guy climbed up onto the bed, sitting down with his back reclining against the pile of pillows there, and shifting Sam so he had his on the pillows as well. He kept his arm around Sam as he fiddled with the box. 

“I’m going to set it back a setting.” Guy commented, then glanced over at Sam, a questioning look on his face. “You sure, you-”

Sam put a finger on Guy’s lips. “Yes.” He really really wanted this. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I’m good.” Guy gave him a crooked smile, then took a deep breath and hit the button. 

Arms sprang out of the box, flailing every which way for a moment, latching on to Guy’s wrists, and pinning them down at his sides. Guy gave a low groan, fighting against it for a moment before relaxing, nearly boneless in a way that he rarely was. 

“You like that, huh?” Sam mused, running a hand over Guy’s chest, idly petting him as he watched the other arms find Guy’s ankles and clamp onto them. He licked his lips as one of the gloved hands found Guy’s dick and just held it, not moving. “Being tied up and helpless. Letting the hands just have their way with you.”

A shiver ran through Guy, starting at his feet and working it’s way up, but he didn’t say anything. “I’m going to take that as a ‘yes’.” Sam smiled, watching Guy’s hips jerk up into the gloved fist. He found himself drooling a little bit, remembering the taste, the feel of Guy’s dick on his tongue. 

“You look lovely like this.” Sam confessed, looking up at Guy’s face. Guy had his head thrown back, biting his lower lip. Sam ran his fingertips against Guy’s mouth, coaxing the lower lip free with a gasp that sounded closer to a sob. “All tied up and desperate for it.”

“I’m not gonna…” Guy gasped. “Next level. I’m not going to last if you keep talking.” 

Dirty talk, huh? He was learning all sorts of things about Guy’s kinks today. Fortunately, dirty talk was something Sam could _definitely_ do. Sam hummed, looking over at the box floating above Guy, finding the one free hand and slapping the palm. 

Immediately the free hand retracted, diving down between Guy’s open legs. “Oh, oh my goodness.” Guy gasped, body twitching at the contact. 

“You keep talking like that and I’m going to have to find something to do with that mouth of yours.” Sam smiled, rubbing himself a little bit against the fur of Guy’s side. 

“Please do.” Guy quickly and fervently agreed. 

Sam smiled, climbing up onto Guy’s chest, legs wide as he straddled him. Guy craned his neck, looking at Sam, then down at his pink cock pointing towards Guy and groaned. “You’re killing me, Sam.”

“Maybe a little death.” Sam quipped, leaning down and kissing Guy. He’d meant it as a light little tease, but Guy latched on and kissed him like he was trying to pull the air from Sam’s lungs, desperate for it. 

Sam kissed him until he needed to breath, pulling back with a pop. “Oh goodness.” He gasped. 

“Your cock.” Guy’s hips rocked and flexed, sending Sam nearly falling forward. “Let me suck your cock, please.” 

“Yeah.” Sam agreed. He kind of liked Guy like this, desperate and asking for what he wanted. He scooted up, folded legs on Guy’s shoulders, pressing his hands up against the wall, hard cock pressing up against Guy’s lips. 

Guy sucked him down with a happy groan, like he was starving for it. “ _Yes_.” Sam hissed, hips thrusting forward. He didn’t need to be careful with Guy, he knew Guy could handle it easily. “So good, Guy. You’re so good at this.” 

He took his hand off the wall, running it over the top of Guy’s head, cradling the back of his head as he fucked Guy’s mouth. 

Last time they had done this, Guy had made several comments that stuck in Sam’s brain. “Remember when you talked about making a fucking machine?” Sam asked, watching Guy’s face. He looked so blissful, taking Sam’s cock. “It fucking you, while I fucked your mouth?” 

Guy’s eyes opened, staring up at Sam with a surprised look. “Guess what we’re doing right now?” Sam whispered with a grin. 

Guy groaned, releasing Sam’s cock with a gasp. “Fuck. Me.” He growled, his voice rough. 

Sam nearly felt dizzy at the command. “You-”

“There’s condoms in my briefcase.” Guy gave him an intent, hungry look, almost like he’d like to eat Sam. “Yes.”

“No need.” Sam reached up into his hat and pulled one out that was his size. The briefcase was too far away anyway. 

“Good.” Guy gasped, tilting his head back, chest heaving for air. “Oh my gosh.”

“Language.” Sam chided with a grin, climbing down Guy’s body. Really, what Guy saying wasn’t even all that bad, and he’d heard Guy say so much worse, but it was fun to tease him like this. 

Guy just growled in response, body flexing under Sam, fighting the bounds holding him down for a moment before untensing. 

“Relax.” Sam grinned, thighs resting on either side of Guy’s dick. He rocked his hips, their dicks sliding against each other. Guy was leaking so much it was an easy glide. 

“Sam.” Guy ground out, his teeth clenched together. “In. Me. _Now_. I’m not going to last much longer.”

“Wow, you’re _really_ wound up.” Sam commented, a little surprised as he did as Guy requested, climbing off of him. Guy didn’t seem like the kind to get this worked up, and last time he’d seemed happy to take his time. 

“I walked in to find you hard and getting a handjob by my machine.” Guy had his head tilted back, staring up at the wall, little tremors going through his body. “For a second all I wanted to do was join in.” 

Right. Guy had said that he wasn’t generally interested, and not at all unless his partner was. Seeing Sam riled up and horny apparently _really_ turned Guy’s crank. Something Sam needed to keep in mind for later, he’d been starting to worry that Guy wasn’t interested because he hadn’t made any overtures since their first time. 

Which meant he needed to do something like this more often. 

“You could have.” Sam offered. He wouldn’t have minded sucking Guy’s dick while Sam was jerked off and suspended in mid-air. 

Guy’s hips jerked up into the air, trying to rut against nothing. Sam stared at the gloved hand latched around the base of Guy’s thick dick, two fingers of the other gloved hand working their way in and out of Guy’s hole that was nearly dripping with lube. He licked his lips, suddenly trying to remember what he was supposed to be doing right now when he had this yipping display to watch. 

“Sam.” Guy growled, low and heated, bringing Sam’s attention back to his face. Guy looked nearly desperate. “Condom. In me. Now.” 

“Right.” He nodded, fingers fumbling with the condom wrapper. He got it off and slid the condom onto himself, before scooting closer to Guy. He moved Guy’s legs up, folding them up closer to Guy’s chest, exposing his hole better. Each one of the gloved hand’s fingers were about the same size as Sam’s prick, and the way they were stretching his hole wide left room for Sam to fit in. 

He swallowed. Sam had never done this before, no one had even suggested letting Sam fuck them, and here was Guy, offering it like he starving for Sam’s cock. 

He lined up, hands shaking a bit as he guiding himself into Guy’s ass, gasping at the heat and the pressure. He could feel the gloved fingers continue to move as he slid all the way in. 

“ _Sam_.” Guy groaned, hips rutting against Sam’s. “You feel so good.” 

Sam gasped, hips jerking as he slammed up against Guy’s thick ass. Oh shit. He wasn’t going to last long at all if Guy kept talking to him like that. 

He wrapped his hands around Guy’s dick, using it as leverage as he thrust into Guy again, as fast and as hard as he could. Guy just held his legs open wider, trying to meet him stroke for stroke, Guy’s big heavy balls hitting Sam’s chest. 

The fingers moved as well, and they started moving in a rhythm, Sam slamming in as they slid out, then them thrusting in as Sam pulled back. Guy’s got so much meat on him that Sam nearly bounces off his curved butt. 

“Just like that.” Guy panted, sounding a wreck. “Please, please _please_.” 

Sam didn’t even know what he was doing, so he kept at it. He readjusted his grip on Guy’s dick, trying to thrust in harder, fingers slipping across the smooth surface, and Guy howled, suddenly cumming. 

Sam gasped as Guy clenched down on his dick, coming as well, harder than he could remember doing so before. He slumped forward, face leaning against Guy’s dick, slippery with cum. 

The fingers were still moving and flexing, now too much sensation. Sam slowly pulled out, belatedly remembering to keep a hand on the condom so it didn’t fall off inside of Guy. He pulled it off, tying the end in a knot, his legs jelly and wanting to sit down. 

Guy made a small whinging sound, hips jerking as the fingers continued to fuck him. “How do I turn the box off?” Sam asked.

“Just hit a corner, any corner.” Guy instructed, gasping around his words. Sam nodded, standing up on his toes as he reached up and smacked the box. It immediately stopped moving, gloved hands withdrawing, and then falling down on the bed with a soft thump. 

“You okay?” Sam asked, tilting to the side so he was leaning against one of Guy’s thighs. 

“If I was anymore okay, I’d be dead.” Guy deadpanned, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

Sam chuckled, looking Guy over. He seemed to be in one piece, if a little covered in cum. 

He paused, staring at the base of Guy’s dick. His still very hard dick, pointing straight up in the air, a thick fat bulb at the bottom. “Guy?” He inquired, running a light fingertip along the length. 

Guy’s hips twitched, a dribble of cum leaking from the tip. “I’ll be hard for a while.” He muttered, sounding embarrassed. 

“How?” Sam asked. That hadn’t been something that happened last time, it’d just been a faint thickness. 

“Hand around the base of the penis tightened to get the knot to swell.” Guy muttered. “I don’t do it very often, it’s a bit of a pain.” 

It may have been a bit of a pain to Guy, but Sam really wanted to get his hands on it. 

Sam swallowed. “Can I help clean you up?” He asked. 

“If you want-?” Guy sounded confused, lifting his arm to peer at Sam. “Or we could- OOOohh!” 

Sam licked the base of Guy’s dick, right where it came out of the sheathe, under the knot. Guy’s hips jerked, and Sam watched him grab the covers in his fists, gripping the fabric tight. 

“Too much?” Sam asked, leaning up to lick the tip of Guy’s cock. Dribblets really were the best part, and Guy was leaking like a hose. 

“It’s fine.” Guy choked out. “Just sensitive.” 

“Got it.” Sam nodded and continued to clean Guy’s dick with his tongue, keeping his touch light, no nibbling or hard sucking. He really did enjoy sucking cock, and Guy’s was just begging for it. 

He wondered how long Guy was going to stay hard like this, how long Sam could play with him, all hard and whimpering. 

He wondered how Guy’s cock would feel inside of him, all thick and hard. He’d love to find out, get a real proper ass-fucking, Guy buried deep inside of him, stuffing him full until spunk was just leaking everywhere out of him. 

Sam wondered a lot of things, but at this point it was looking like he’d get to find out about some of them. 

“Sam.” Guy ground out. “I think I’m clean.” 

He pulled away, licking his lips as he looked at the white smears all over Guy’s belly, the bit of spray up near his ruff. “You’re really really not.” He grinned. Maybe his dick was thanks to Sam’s mouth, but the rest of him wasn’t. 

Guy sighed, like he should have expected that, and yet somehow still said it. “You’re hard again, aren’t you?” He said flatly. 

Sam looked down at his dick, which was indeed hard, and pointing up towards his belly. He hadn’t really been paying attention to it, distracted by Guy’s own hardness. 

“Come here.” Guy motioned for Sam to come closer, even as he sat up, shifting the pillows behind him. 

Sam shrugged, moving forward. Guy picked him, setting Sam on his lap, Sam’s shorter legs sprawled over Guy’s thick thighs, dicks pressing against each other. 

“Much better.” Guy murmured, leaning down to catch Sam’s mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, almost teasing, Guy moving slowly, ever so slowly, just taking his time. 

Kissing, Sam noted. Guy really seemed to like kissing. 

He dug his fingers into Guy’s ruff, pulling himself up so Guy wasn’t leaning down as far, his dick sliding against Guy’s until just the tip of the knox’s cock was pressing against the base of his. 

Fuck. He shivered. 

Guy pulled back, and Sam slid back down again until his ass was pressed up against the swell of the big thick knot, just a hint of tease of what it might feel like if Guy’s dick was in him, the knot stuck on the outside. “Oh, _yip_.” Sam breathed, grinding his hips against the knox’s. Guy’s dick was hot and slippery against his own just enough slide and friction to feel really good. 

“That’s the idea.” Guy grinned, just a little bit of teasing. Sam didn’t mind. He pulled himself up again, folding his legs under him so he was splayed out, kneeling on Guy’s thighs, then lowered himself down again. 

He did it again, half bouncing, half grinding on Guy’s thick lovely cock. It was almost as good as riding, the angle and pressure different, but so very sweet. 

Guy rumbled in his chest, large hands cupping Sam’s ass, letting Sam set the pace, just helping him move. 

“Thanks.” Sam breathed, head tilting back as he lost himself in the rhythm and the friction, moving faster and faster. 

It was almost a surprise when he came, his spunk mixing with Guy’s on the tawny belly. He lowered himself back down, feet tucked under him. Guy hummed, thumbs rubbing the curve of Sam’s lower back, right where it dipped in before curving back out for his butt. After a moment, Guy picked up Sam again, cradling him against his chest. Sam tucked his head against Guy’s shoulder, feeling boneless as Guy stroked his back. 

“I’d say that was successful.” Sam mused. 

Guy huffed in amusement, chest vibrating against Sam. “Anytime you’re interested in a sequel, just let me know.” He offered. “Although, maybe don’t go snooping in my briefcase first.” 

“Nah.” Sam yawned, stretching out. “What’d be the fun in that?” 

-fin-


End file.
